This past weekend I took my second adventure playing keys for SONICFLOOd and my first for playing for Tammy Trent. The concert was AMAZING. People’s lives were changed through these ministries and being a part of it was quite surreal. I was so worried originally that changing to a concert type ministry would leave less room for reaching people on a personal level–that could not be further from the truth! I had no idea that SONICFLOOD is 100% about worship and personally praying and ministering to hurting people. God is healing people’s lives as we surrender to Him on stage.
Here we go!
So, all 9 of us hop on the bus to travel from Nashville to the snow-covered land of Michigan. We take off and I read a few pages of a marketing book and head to the bunk. I instinctively knew the rules:
1. Don’t lay your head toward the front in the event of a crash.
2. listen to the purrr of the engine and count backwards from 10…9…8…
Just as I was drifting…it dawned on me that I was way too comfortable. This was all second nature to me but I had not thought about why. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks–this wasn’t my first time on a bus! For over two years, I had toured on a bus playing and ministering, but the last time…the last time I slept on a bus…
THE PAST: A Familiar Frenemy
I really don’t know if I had blocked it from my memory but laying there, I couldn’t hide from it anymore. And just as coincidence can be kind of cruel, it was almost 9 years TO THE DAY.
Nine years before I laid my body in a bed in a bus very similar to this one. It was the lowest point in my life. I had not eaten at all that weekend fasting for God to intervene. I was emotionally, spiritually, and physically at rock bottom. The emotional hurt had turned to physical pain as my chest ached from the stress–making sleep impossible. As I lay there that night 9 years ago. I began to pray, but there were no words. I didn’t know what to pray for or how to express it. That is when I recalled the verse that Jesus is our intercessor. So I literally laid there and groaned to God–that was all that would come out. I was laying in bed rocking my chest back and forth to distract from the pain and groaning for God to save me from all that was going on around me.
One thing I can tell you is that GOD SHOWS UP when His child is at this point. On that night, God covered me. I saw things happened that couldn’t be explained. I saw the enemy baffled before the power of God and behave in complete confusion. And one thing is for sure…no one’s life surrounding me on this night was ever the same–especially mine!
THE PRESENT: A more powerful Friend
So what do you do when your most depressing moment in life is starring you in the face? I could sink into depression, I could withdraw, I could stay up all night and think about the hurt…
I could lay there and worship the beautiful hand of God.
> The Hand that intervened when I couldn’t even speak
> The Hand that protected me when I was physically spent
> The Hand that used that horrible time in my life to make me new.
> The Hand that pushed me into scenario after scenario that would make me uncomfortable but grow..
> The Hand that would bring me to another bus 9 years later traveling with SONICFLOOD and TAMMY TRENT.
You see it took that event in my life for God to mold me into a worship leader. He has not let me get comfortable in all those years because He is molding me to His purpose. Before that day, I didn’t know what worship was. I was a timid singer and an mediocre piano player.
And here I am again. God has placed me in yet another situation that is highly uncomfortable for me. I am playing music in a completely different culture for some of the most talented and recognized musicians I have ever met. And every time I open my mouth to apologize for my insecurities…God stops me from blaspheming His plan and says, “I didn’t bring you here to leave you. I have equipped you for My purpose. You have been on the journey I have set you on. You don’t have to apologize or measure up to anyone. I am all you need. Just trust me and keep doing what I have taught you.”
SO THAT’S WHAT FAITH IS: having complete PEACE even when you are more uncomfortable than you have ever been, because you trust the Hand that brought you there.
*“Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.”
(*Thank you Leah Taylor Ministries for always knowing the perfect verse to send me to express God’s voice in my life.)